Kindnesses for Christmas Eve

From Liz:

Hey there favorite family!

Since you started this tradition I have been conscious of random acts of kindness; this notion has become part of everyday life. Thank you for that. Theo's picture is still on my fireplace and I visit him often.

Today I raked leaves in our lawn and swept the walk. While I was at it, I did my neighbors' walks too. The exercise was good in the cold and now my one neighbor who has arthritis doesn't have to worry about it. That makes me happy. Your family makes me happy too.

Sending much love,
xoxoxoxo
liz

From Evy:

Hey Mr. F,
I had just bought a scarf from the store for myself for winter and as I was walking to get back on the metro I saw a man who was cold and very pale and had on these ripped pants and a worn out jacket with holes in his gloves. He was laying down with a pepsi cup next to him that had a couple of coins in it. So I walked over, took my scarf off, and gave it to him. He was so grateful for it.

I hope you that you and your family have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year Mr. F.

Sincerely,
Evy G.



From Pam and Dawn:

Jamie, Karla, & Lula,

I have been a witness to so many acts of kindness this season, and I always think of Little Theo. There is so much need in the world around us it seems overwhelming to figure out how to help sometimes.

I have a coworker who is a very dear friend of mine. Her 24 year old son has a condition called TTP, and she found out right before Thanksgiving that his kidneys have failed and that he will be a dailysis patient indefinitely. He lives in Memphis with his girlfriend and 4 month old baby boy. My friend really wanted to spend some time with her son and grandson over the Thanksgiving holiday, but finances were very tight and I could see that she was worrying about how to fund the trip.

The day before she was supposed to leave, I decided to ask a few of my co-workers if they'd like to chip in to help out with her gas money. Word began to spread around and people from all over our department started approaching me and contributing. In a little less than an hour, I had collected enough money to cover all of her travel expenses and her hotel room while she was in Memphis. I was so moved by the outpouring of concern and that people really wanted to make sure she was able to make this trip. When I gave her the envelope, she tearfully shared with me that she had been very troubled about how she was going to come up with the money to make the trip. She, her mother, and her younger son were able to spend 4 days with her son and his new family in Memphis and she was able to meet her grandson for the first time. She even had enough left over to purchase some items for the baby.

Dawn and I also participated in adopt a needy family again this year and will be making a donation to Noah's Children in honor of Theo.

Happy Holidays- we love you.

Pam and Dawn

From Andrea, Charles and Isabelle:

We love the idea of Theo's Christmas Stocking, what a wonderful tribute to your amazing boy. We decided to give a gift to our local animal shelter. We packed up a box of supplies for the animals in need. Since we lost 2 cats this year we had some extra things around the house, like toys and a lambswool blanket. Then we went to the store to buy cat & dog food and some other needed supplies. I donated this to the Richmond Animal League, and they were so appreciative. We also made a monetary donation. There are so many homeless cats & dogs in need of homes, especially now with the economy being so bad and donations being down.
Thank you for reminding us what is really important in life and inspiring others through Theo to make the world a better place.

Love,
Andrea, Charles, & Isabelle

From Helen Ruth:

Merry Christmas, Jamie, Karla and Lula,

Ah, so many common names here. My sister is Carla and my grandmother was Lula! AND Jamie is my beloved colleague! How much closer can I get to your family?

I confess, I don’t have any magnificent random acts to report but I do want to let you know that I applied for and received a grant from the United Methodist Thrift Shop Foundation in Durango, Colorado. The grant is now on its way to Southern Sudan where it will be used to build a shelter for some Sudanese Orphans who sell their crafts in the local market of the Kakuma Refugee camp. Instead of sitting out on the dusty streets, they will now have a nice shelter to house their items and to protect them from the elements. I probably won’t ever meet these children but maybe their young lives will be improved by this assistance.

Merry Christmas and all the best for the coming year.

Love,
Helen Ruth

Still More...

I was wrapping up my Christmas shopping today, and when I went to check out the lady at the counter asked me if I wanted to donate a book to this Children's charity. I immediately thought of this, and took the opportunity. I was kind of excited about choosing the book, but it turns out that I just donated them some money and they choose the books, I guess. Hopefully they'll pick something good.
Merry Christmas
Tom


Dear Family,

While this is a small gesture, I wanted you to know that I have been thinking about the love you must still feel for the little one you lost. I lost my father almost 10 years ago (as of December 27, 2008), who was known for helping others. This act is so simple, yet so many times we can forget to allow it to work its magic. Today, I was in my car in a long line of cars waiting to mail Christmas cards. There was a small car that needed to get out of the parking lot, but could not reverse with the long line of cars that seemed to pass in such a rush. Seeing the small car, and thinking of your request, I waved the driver out so she could leave and allow another to park at the busy post office. Feeling proud, I wondered what else I could do as a random act of kindness.

But the kindness didn't stop there... just a short few moments later, as I finally pulled up to mail my cards, I saw something so heart warming. Out of the corner of my eye, that same driver in the small car was waving her hands to allow another driver to get in front of her so they could also leave that post office parking lot.

While these are such small gestures, it is clear, kindness is contagious. My hope is that my family will also commit to random acts of kindness.

After all, in our hearts, we have the potential to become weapons of mass affection.

Adele

More Acts Of Kindness

I sent a Holiday card to a man that lives alone in our neighborhood and does not have many friends or family. I hope that it brightens his day to know that a neighbor was thinking of him...

Another act of kindness was that together with friends we collected money to purchase gifts for a family so that they would have Christmas presents underneath their tree this year. They were very grateful and it was a gift to us to see how happy they were.

I will continue to spread the holiday cheer and kindness throughout the year in memory of your sweet son. Thank you for inspiring so many people to share love and support to one another.


..............................................................................................



This year my Husband and I will be cooking a full Christmas dinner for a local family we have come to know quite well. Last year this family lost their home to a house fire due to bad wiring and we found them a temporary place to stay while they found alternate housing. The local lady runs the town dump and her boyfriend is a local repair man and has worked on numerous houses of family and friends. When we found out this year that they were still struggling, we decided to volunteer to cook and deliver a ham and turkey with two pies, 5 sides and enough frozen meat to last an extra month in case of hard times during the rest of the year. We hope that through this effort we can make their holiday a little better, and perhaps the world a better place.

Amy and Victor

Gifts Multiplied

Jamie and Karla,

On Friday Dec. 19th I went with my brother and a friend to hear the Richmond Boys' Choir at St. Andrews Church. The "ticket" was a food donation to the Central Va. Foodbank. The boys' singing was wonderful, full of enthusiasm and heart.

Our bag of food was a small gift compared to the joy the boys gave to us, the audience.
Lenore



Jamie,

First, let me say that I am so sorry to hear about Theo. I remember that your wife was expecting when I went to work in Petersburg, and I really didn't see you again except for that one time when I was visiting VCU, so let me say that I am very sorry for your loss, and I really respect what you are doing in Theo's memory and honor. You are first-class, all the way.

Now for my first (and hopefully not last) act of random kindness in Theo's name: Tonight, in line at the Walmart (a place I hate to be), I let a woman who thought she was in line, but wasn't, in the line ahead of me. At first, there was tension because she was obviously butting in front of me (I had witnesses who were ready to be outraged on my behalf--there was a fierce energy in the line!), but I thought of your email and Theo, and the season, and I thought that a couple of minutes in line wasn't worth the stress and anger. I ended up chatting with the woman; she was buying a gift for her 70 year old mother's birthday. She was very nice, and a lot of the stress I had been feeling (stress that was making me more likely to snap at people) melted away. It worked out that several of us in the line had a pleasant conversation--mostly about how we shouldn't be too hard on the slow cashier because we know Walmart doesn't treat its employees very well. The mood lightened for several of us, I think. A little thing, I know, but they add up. It was a good moment that was almost a bad one.

Thanks for putting this energy out, especially at this time of year.

Merry Christmas,
Boz



Jamie, Karla, and Lula,

In honor of loved ones, we have given gifts of baby chicks to Heifer International. I hope you all have a happy and restful holiday.




For Theo's stocking--

With thoughts of dear little Theo, we made a contribution to Church Hill Academy, a relatively new school in association with CHAT (Church Hill Activities and Tutoring). Both minister to neighborhood kids in numerous ways. Theo would love the kids at Church Hill Academy. They're full of energy and inquisitiveness and are just plain fun. Giving to them through time, interaction, and funds is a privilege.

This time, Theo, we did it with thoughts of you. Blessings upon you, little one.

Pat and Randy

More Acts of Kindness

From Peggy and Hank:

Dear Karla and Jamie,

It was so good to see you and Lula at the Angel of Hope service. With Theo in mind I bought and gave a book for grieving grandparents to a couple who have recently lost their teenage granddaughter to drug overdose. Thank you for the inspiration to reach out to others in need this holiday season.

May you enjoy the joys of the season, whatever they may be for you and your family.

Blessings,
Peggy

From Angela and Mike:

For Theo this year, Mike and I were going to do our secret donation of a large tip to a waiter or waitress. However, at a faculty meeting this week, our principal shared that a school family was struggling financially and could use some help this Christmas getting items for their children.
The items included clothes, shoes, etc.

We decided to donate our money in Theo's honor to the family. My grade level added a certificate for the Mom and her daughter to get their nails done, too. They needed something FUN to do too! :-)

The Mom is a single mom who is battling cancer for the 2nd time. I have been worried about her daughter. There are many unanswered questions from everyone involved, and the Mom is worried this may be her last Christmas. She is such a strong, positive person, and I have enjoyed getting to know her.

Once again, I am reminded that our life pattern can be altered on a dime, and the only thing you can do sometimes is enjoy the moment.

Please keep this family in your prayers or meditation. I just hope that their day on Christmas is a peaceful one. I feel honored to have done my little part on Theo's behalf.Life is too precious and the moments too few.......have a wonderful day TODAY!

Love and Kisses...Angela and Mike



From Audrey:

I love this kindness project and it's so easy to participate.

I was moved today by 12 high school students standing outside in the cold playing their clarinets, trumpets, flutes and other band instruments outside the local grocery store. Their band director was shivering as he struggled to keep them playing, and the choir director was selling baked goods the students had made. I went to my car and dropped off the groceries, then walked back and gave them a few dollars with a "good luck." "Oh, take some cookies," the choral director says. "Here," I smile, "I don't need anything, just want to contribute."

You know I don't know if they were raising money for a trip or because of some new budget cut or worse loss of part of their program, but music is the thread that ties hearts together--and that's worth more than a couple bucks. At the time, I didn't think this was much, but for what it is, I'm happy to add this act of kindness in Theo's name.

Peace,
Audrey
Cait's mom

Newest Good Deeds

I want to start this off by saying that I think your idea for Theo's stocking is brilliant and totally beautiful. I'm sorry that you had to go through something so tragic. My thoughts and warm wishes are with you during this holiday season and I will be inspired forever by your completely creative and positive way of keeping Theo's memory alive.

Here's my good deed: I picked up a Salvation Army angel from the Christmas tree at the Willow Lawn Mall and got a few gifts for a child in need.

Thank you for including me.

Best Wishes & Happy Holidays,
Robin



Hi Jamie and Karla,
Yesterday, I got an angel from the angel tree at Capital One. It was one of many that hadn't been adopted this year. I bought an ipod and new clothes and school supplies for a teenage girl to receive this Christmas.

On Tuesday night, we participated in Caritas, serving dinner to 25 homeless families, and I was in charge of the craft activity. The kids and adults painted Christmas ornament balls and covered them with glitter. Seeing families who have no home certainly made me and Danny and even Christopher, I think, appreciate all that we have this year.

God bless Lula and both of you.

With love,
Michele, Danny, and Chrissy Robin

The Story of Daniel and Sean

Through Theo's Stocking, I recently reconnected with a woman I worked with a few years ago. She left our workplace before I was pregnant with Theo and a mutual friend forwarded her this year's Stocking Blog. She contacted me after learning of Theo and our story and told me the story of her two sons who died--years apart from one another. Little Daniel was born and died in 1993. Sean was killed by a drunk driver in 2005.

This is the story she shared with me:

Daniel lived a week at MCV. The first time I was well enough to hold him was three hours before he died. Never had I experienced the deep continuing scalding of mourning.....not even when my Daddy had died 5 years earlier.

Sean was 13 when Daniel was born and died. He was deeply affected by this event. This was before there were groups to help children dealing with death and loss, so I did my best. Even though I felt abandoned by God and very alone and angry about Daniel's dying when I knew in my soul that I was told he would live; I tried to speak words of Faith to Sean. Faith in the goodness and providence of the power of the Universal Truth. I call her "God". I kept telling Sean that if he wanted a relationship with his brother, that he had to be open to Daniel and also reach out to him.

Over the years, Sean talked to Daniel nearly every day. He asked Daniel to speak to him, intervene for him, and help him from the other side. All through college, even, Sean's letters speak of his talking to Daniel. Sean saw Daniel as his guide, protector, and mentor. They became very close.

On June 7, 2005, a 55 year old man with an open gallon of wine between his legs, crossed three lanes of traffic and crashed into Sean and his then six-year-old daughter, Emma. Sean was taking Emma to feed a friend's gerbil. They were about 8 blocks from home. Emma survived her physical injuries.

Sean lived for 11 days in the Neuro ICU at Wake Med. I lived in the ICU waiting room during that time. I could not leave Sean even though he was sedated and not fully conscious. Several late nights or very early mornings his nurse came to the waiting room to ask me to come sing to him. This seemed to calm him and get the blood pressure and ICP where it needed to be. I sang lullaby's and songs that he knew from his early childhood. As I sang, I visualized holding him and rocking him.

There were times when I felt he communicated with me: "I hurt", "I am so thirsty", "I am tired." After 11 days, Sean died of infection. How ironic that the wounds that seemed the threat, were healing and he died of infection. In this miracle age of medicine in one of the finest trauma facilities around, Sean died of infection.

I miss him all day every day, but the relationship he developed with Daniel and my surviving Daniel's death and what I learn and continue to learn from him, have been a comfort. We all feel their presence and know they are still a part of our journey.

It took me two years to hear the answer to my angry cries to "God." "You put in my heart and soul that my baby would live", I cried. Everything I had come to know and believe seemed destroyed. Finally, in the shower one day (there is something about water, isn't there?) I was doing my same crying and I finally heard God's answer: "Your son did live but you are not satisfied with his life. He lived 7 days. That is the time he needed to complete his mission. Your time is not My time."

With everything that happened with our family and what Sean's illness facilitated, I hear the same message. This time it is Sean's voice. "Mom I finally completed what I was sent to do."

Having had a death experience of my own when Daniel was delivered, I know we have much choice in whether or not we cross over. Sean chose to go. I have to give him the freedom to do that just as I had to give Daniel the freedom to leave and become more.

Nothing diminishes my sense of loss and wishing my boys back. My first-born son and my last-born son. It is hard to allow our children to choose their own time and place to evolve.

Maybe I have two sons on the other side because I have a hard time hearing and allowing my life to evolve without my having control. It is a hard position in which to find peace after living with an abusive husband.

The shoulder injury that I sustained while working evolved into nerve damage after surgery. The pain has been debilitating, and removed me further from having any control. I have to rely on much assistance. At the time I had surgery, I was moving to Rockville, VA from the Glen Allen area. I know this is all part of the plan for my life. I am surrounded by the beauty of this earth every day.

Know I love you and your beautiful family. All of you. What a power for good little Theo is.

I have made a donation to Comfort Zone Camp in memory of our boys.

Love,
Helen

Thank you Helen--your story touches me more than you can know.
--Love,
Karla

Another Kindness

This one from Julie A.:

Karla, Jamie & Lula,

I am so glad to participate again this year. I think of Theo often during the year and know in my heart that I am a better person for having known him.

Participating in Theo's Christmas Stocking and honoring Theo's memory at Christmas always warms my heart. This year I decided to take it up a notch and I wanted to do something different. I had received something from Meals on Wheels where you could make a donation and decorate a paper place mat that would be delivered with a holiday meal. I made a donation and decorated the place mat. I colored the place mat in festive colors, drew wreaths, christmas trees and dedicated it to Theo's memory and of course, I had to draw a dragon fly on it. I hope it means a lot to the person who receives it this holiday season.

Wishing all of you a wonderful holiday season filled with love and peace.
Much love,
Julie

This Good Deed

---was done by Chante

So far this year I have been doing things that may qualify as good deeds. Ever since I can remember my mother and I have donated unwanted toys, clothing, movies, cds, and even furniture to the Salvation Army and Good Samaritan causes. I have been giving a lot of my stuff away since I entered college and do not really have a lot of room for things. This year alone we have filled more than ten bags. I've actually lost count! And we're still filling some bags currently! I think it is better to donate things to those less fortunate than to try to sell them over the internet for a profit. We have a bag full of coats and boots to donate to try to keep people warm this winter season. I have also donated to foundations like the Round up for Kids that JCPenney sometimes does. I have sent almost everyone I know and old friends from highschool Christmas cards. After Christmas my family is going up north to Michigan to visit my grandmother. Ever since my grandfather died a few years ago she has had trouble paying bills and has had her heat and electricity cut off and can barely afford food. We're bringing her and her dog food that should last her and my mom has been sending her money to pay for food and bills. She has been really depressed and I know that it will make her year to have visitors!

Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules to read all these 'letters' and to make us all realize what really matters during the holiday season, helping others and trying to make our world a better place!
Chante`





---this good deed was submitted by Robyn


Jamie, Karla and little Lula,

I have been thinking about your little boy Theo quite a bit since I read about him, and his very important Christmas stocking, yesterday morning. In grief there are indeed opportunities to find something meaningful, something more than all of that other terribly dark and cloudy stuff. But it takes an immeasurable kind of strength to do that. Easier said than done, right? So I am in awe of you as a family...and you should be too!

My father committed suicide in September of last year. So of course I know that whole mess of grief far too well. The circumstances of his death couldn't be more different than your baby boy's. But I want to thank you for reminding me that life and death are tricky things that are hard to contain or understand. And most importantly, thank you for giving me the confidence to choose to keep my fathers presence around during the holidays. Not to keep quiet about him or to pretend everything is the same without him like I think people in life sometimes expect. I will actively think of my father and his life, not his death, because of what you have given me with your story about Theo.

As for my good deed...I went to The Salvation Army Angel Tree and I chose a little boy about your sons age at his last Christmas. I spent a very fun hour or so shopping for that little boy at Target and I spoiled him rotten because I figure all kids deserve that now and then. I thought about Theo and the child who will get those gifts under the tree and I felt pretty damn full of love. I hope you all get some of that love this year too because its wonderful.

Thank you again. Jamie, your writing class was just what I needed for my head to get straight. This made my heart feel better.
Merry Christmas!
Robyn

Kindnesses Through the Week

I am thinking back over the week of all the small kindnesses I have seen, heard about, performed and received. I have been talking to my kids at work in our groups for the past several weeks about empathy and have tied in kindness for the past two. After several of them had difficulty last week coming up with ideas for how they could be kind to others, we played Kindness Bingo. As we played, they began talking about all the small things they remembered they had done to help others throughout the week:

W. earned donuts as an incentive for staying on target for his behavior all week and not only shared his donuts with the whole class, but brought in soda to share to go along with them.

L. was given cookies for her birthday last week and chose to share them with everyone in class.

C. gave his snack to a friend in class.

One of the class support staff shared that he pays the toll for the car behind him when he travels.

H. fixed the vacuum cleaner for his housemate and then vacuummed the room for him.

I. went to the store for her grandmother and also babysat for her neice and nephew while her sister went out with her friends.

M. is planning to give his entire paycheck from his part-time job to his mother because he knows that Christmas is hard on her and she has to get things for his little brother and sister.

D. held the door for someone
...........

The Visual Arts Center of Richmond is currently sponsoring a food drive to benefit Richmond's Food Bank. All the state's food banks are in dire need of donations of money and food to keep their shelves stocked for those who do not have enough to eat. Donating non-perishables to one of the many food drives is a wonderful thing to do to help in our own community. Lula and I went to the grocery store to purchase some groceries to donate.

We have also continued our cookie giving project and gave a tin of cookies to the plumber who came to fix our kitchen sink which was clogged this week. Jamie took a tin of cookies to Red when he got his hair cut this week, and also to the Barking Lot when our Lhasa Apso Chloe got her hair cut.

In Costco this week, I struck up a conversation with a woman in line behind me. I noticed that she only had a few things in her basket and asked her to go ahead of me in line. She was very grateful and said that it would help her a lot as she was running late to see a friend. After we payed, I saw that it was pouring rain out and I had left the umbrella in the car. Four people offered to loan me theirs to get to the car, but I declined and decided to wait it out.
We went in to the snack area where Lula was happy to practice picking up and eating Cheerios. While she blinked at the O's sticking to her fingers and amused herself trying to get them into her mouth, an older couple sitting at the table next to us began smiling and laughing at her. It doesn't take much to get her attention and if she thinks she can entertain, she will gladly do so. They began talking and laughing with us and we all had a great time. The husband half of the couple remembered that he had his big golf umbrella at his feet and insisted on walking Lula and me out to the car. The umbrella was big enough to cover her in her car seat, me and him. He also helped me get the items into the trunk while the rain continued to pour, but none of us got wet! I wish I had asked their names, but I guess really, it doesn't matter. It was the kindness that mattered.

Just to share, here is the list of kindness suggestions included in my Kindness Bingo Game:

Bake cookies to share with a friend or neighbor

Be kind to the Earth—Turn off the lights when you leave a room

Give someone you love a hug

Call someone you have not talked to in a while just because

Leave a note for someone you love thanking them for being who they are

Send flowers to someone who touched your life in a positive way

Sit down to eat dinner with your whole family

Be kind to the Earth—Pick up trash when you see it

Give a thank you note to your teacher or support staff (or co-worker, supervisor, etc.)

Tell someone they look nice today (and mean it!)

Volunteer with a charity organization

Take a bag of canned goods to the food bank

Save up some money and give to a worthy cause

Make a family member’s favorite dinner tonight

Hold the door for someone

Offer to do a chore you don’t usually do

Lend a hand to someone you see struggling with a heavy load

Help someone with their bags at the grocery store

Donate a warm coat to Goodwill or Salvation Army

SMILE at 5 people today!

Anonymously Give a Gift

Ask someone how their day was and really listen

Run a race or walk a walk to fund research for a disease

Reach out to elderly or homebound people in your neighborhood

Personally thank someone who does things to keep your school (or workplace) nice

Be kind to the Earth—RECYCLE

Craft for a Cause—Knit or crochet a cap or blanket to donate to a PICU or NICU

Next time you are in a store, thank the person who rings you up and smile

Be kind to the Earth—RE-USE and RE-PURPOSE things instead of throwing them out

Tape the exact change for a drink or snack on a vending machine

Tell someone you are sorry for something you never apologized for

Look for opportunities to help others and then do it!

Volunteer to visit residents in nursing home

If you decide you don’t want something in a store, take it back to the shelf

Be kind to the Earth—Plant something

Make your favorite dessert and share it with someone

Let someone ahead of you in lineSpend some time playing with a child

Give someone the gift of your time

In the drive-thru or toll booth, pay for the person behind you

When someone you know looks upset, ask if they want to talk—and really listen

Next time you ask, “How are you?” Wait to find out how they really are

Write a letter to a friend to tell how they touch your life

Sincerely thank the person who cooks your next meal

Leave chocolate on the desks of your classmates(or co-workers)—Anonymously

Help your parent, spouse, partner, roomate, etc., with something they wouldn’t expect you to

Always say please, thank you and you’re welcome…with a smile

When it is raining, share your umbrella with someone who doesn’t have one

Think of 3 things you are truly grateful for focus on that feeling